im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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