if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she smelled like a LAN party
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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