Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
