I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
