Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
