so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
