Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
