so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
