Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
