its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
