Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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