Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just had sex on a roof
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
