oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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