I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
