I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
