I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
