So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
