just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
