She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
