I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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