just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
