Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
