First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
