Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
