i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
