tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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