Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
