woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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