I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
