...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have aggressive nipples.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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