Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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