I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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