Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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