never play flip cup with pint glasses
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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