she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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