I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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