a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
