How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
