After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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