so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
