You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
