Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
vagina is talking i cant
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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