The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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