I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
