I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
