Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
