Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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