The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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