I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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