I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
