I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
