Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
