life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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