hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My liver just broke up with me...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
